so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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