I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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