i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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