One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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