If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
