You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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