I feel like I'm in dance class right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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