i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
