I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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