I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
