I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
