I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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