bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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