I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
