Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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