I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
