Your mouth is God's brothel.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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