he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is Oprah even human
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
