The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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