Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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