based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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