Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
