p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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