Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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