Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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