So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think my mom watched the whole time
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do herpes really smell.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
