I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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