When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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