There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
