i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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