This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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