So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
