Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
