he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love you. Go after that dick
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