I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
