I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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