I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
