Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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