apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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