I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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