just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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