At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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