Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
