never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
