i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
