There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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