you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit