you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.