my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I forgot wine drunk hurts