Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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(301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss. http://tfl.nu/246p

Replies (5) Good night (823) Bad night (1486)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

(410): View more from Maryland

I knew I liked you

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(202): I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later (410): I knew I liked you http://tfl.nu/yvq5

Replies (37) Good night (4471) Bad night (587)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.

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(740): Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life. http://tfl.nu/k782

Replies (34) Good night (5608) Bad night (828)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

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(717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl

Replies (10) Good night (5145) Bad night (765)
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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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(512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm

Replies (18) Good night (6394) Bad night (1476)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

How did the beer even get there in the first place?

(734): View more from Michigan

That's not what's important right now

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(734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2

Replies (30) Good night (3176) Bad night (4032)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

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(609): you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off. http://tfl.nu/5lgs

Replies (13) Good night (2195) Bad night (3925)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.

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(401): the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex. http://tfl.nu/qat1

Replies (18) Good night (5512) Bad night (984)
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(801): View more from Utah

At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.

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(801): At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good. http://tfl.nu/03g0

Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (667)
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(310): View more from California

he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

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(310): he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party http://tfl.nu/v00e

Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (1123)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?

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(708): Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love? http://tfl.nu/bkra

Replies (7) Good night (682) Bad night (386)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I have tan lines from my nipple rings.

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(267): I have tan lines from my nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/n8t0

Replies (6) Good night (955) Bad night (411)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.

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(218): I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench. http://tfl.nu/hyfp

Replies (5) Good night (374) Bad night (609)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.

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(504): I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers. http://tfl.nu/jein

Replies (1) Good night (740) Bad night (354)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor

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(636): Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/1h6i

Replies (0) Good night (137) Bad night (270)

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