Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."