i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense