I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
