I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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