OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
