uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
