my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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