I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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