Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
