Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
