alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
