I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
