So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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