shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
