Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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