All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
