these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
