nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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