FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
