it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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