it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
