You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
