nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
